When They Give This


What if they gave an election and nobody came?

Well, it can't be denied that there wouldn't be a few benefits.

For one thing, it would put a blessed end to the campaign placards that seem to litter every street corner in town and that are too often left behind long after the voting precincts have closed.

But then again, without elections and the policies that result from them, we could all erect whatever we wanted on any street corner or privately-owned property in town. Chaos would ensue. You could erect a monument to Howard Stern in my front yard.

So maybe this wouldn't be a benefit after all.

This, however, can be said with absolute certainty: If they gave an election and nobody came, friends would no longer become arguers and neighbors would no longer become enemies and talk-radio shows wouldn't be littered with people loaded to the gills with anger at all the equally angry people who oppose their opinion.

But then again, in societies where there are no elections, disagreements are traditionally solved with bombs and kidnappings and murder and other forms of force.

So maybe this wouldn't be a benefit after all.

There's no denying, though, that if they gave an election and nobody came, the whole democratic process would come tumbling down, and we would no longer have to feel guilty about having found something more important than voting to do on election day like bathing the family dog or cleaning out the refrigerator or organizing your closet.

But then again, it is elections that give America its greatness, that give meaning to its flag, that give power and pride and freedom to its people.

Never mind.

When they give an election Tuesday, go.

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