Headlines We'd Like To See

AROUND THE RIM COUNTRY

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Everybody remembers the famous photo of President-elect Harry Truman holding aloft a newspaper proclaiming "Dewey defeats Truman" the day after the 1948 presidential election.

Well it happened again when the New York Yankees rallied late in game seven to beat the Boston Red Sox and advance to the World Series. Some of the New York Post's early editions contained an editorial congratulating the Red Sox.

A few days later, "The Heat Index," a regular feature in the sports section of The Arizona Republic, had some fun with this snafu by making up some sports headlines "printed a bit too early." They included:

  • Barkley enters monastery, takes vow of silence
  • Schilling buys stock in QuesTec
  • Mackovic replacing Dr. Phil

You know what's coming next, some headlines we'd like to see appear in the Payson Roundup:

Bunheads' descendant likes name

Yours truly has been excoriated by Rim country historical and archaeological buffs for using the name "Bunheads" in print to depict the prehistoric people with the occipital protrusions who occupied the area before we got here and built subdivisions on top of them. Wouldn't it be cool to pick up the Roundup and read the following under the above headline:

A man claiming to be a descendant of the prehistoric people who once lived here staggered out of the woods yesterday.

After being brought up to speed concerning the developments of the last 600 years or so, the slightly befuddled ancient one said he had no problem being referred to as a Bunhead.

"Beats the heck out of Butthead," the man said. "Plus it's easy to remember."

Record winter snows end drought

Wouldn't you like to read this story one day soon. It might go something like this:

After a record 128 inches of snow during the past winter, meteorologists and climatologists are pronouncing the drought over.

With Arizona's lakes now at or near capacity and aquifers recharged, all water restrictions in Payson and other Rim country communities have been lifted. Salt River Project credited the residents of the Rim country for bringing the state through the long drought with their conservation efforts while Valley residents were using twice as much water.

Fire marshal empties Ox Bow during mayor's wedding

Here's how this one might go:

Former Payson Fire Marshal Jack Babb had the last laugh. He crashed Mayor Ken Murphy's recent wedding at the Ox Bow and ordered the historic saloon evacuated. The mayor and fire marshal recently duked it out in court over an incident that occurred after Babb imposed capacity restrictions at the Ox Bow during August Doin's 2002.

"I thought the mayor would get a good laugh out of me shutting down his wedding," an impish Babb said.

"It cracked me up," Murphy added. "Weddings are way too serious anyway."

Speed limit raised to 75 on Tyler Parkway

This story might begin:

The Payson Town Council unanimously approved raising the speed limit on Tyler Parkway to 75 mph at its regular meeting last night.

Parkway residents who have fought previous efforts to raise the speed limit threw up their hands in exasperation.

"We might as well hold the Indy 500 on Tyler," said one.

The comment triggered additional discussion by the council, which liked the idea of holding an auto race on Tyler Parkway as a great tourist attraction. A sub-committee was appointed to explore the option.

Test hole hits monster aquifer in Mayfield Canyon

Hey, we can dream can't we:

After years of waiting, the town's first test hole in the Mayfield Canyon area produced a gusher.

"We hit an aquifer with so much pent-up water in it, she blew higher than the world's tallest fountain in Fountain Hills," Public Works Director Buzz Walker said. "There's so much water down there, we'll be able to sell some to SRP."

Test hole hits oil field in Mayfield Canyon

And if we can dream, why can't we fantasize:

They were looking for water, but what they found was gold -- black gold.

The first test hole bored by the town in Mayfield Canyon produced a geyser of oil. Industry experts say this may be the biggest oil field in the world.

"This makes anything in the Middle East small potatoes by comparison," said a Standard Oil official.

Payson Mayor Ken Murphy promised all Rim country residents a piece of the pie.

"Alaska sends each resident an annual oil revenue check and so will we," the mayor said. "We can all retire."

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