Beware The Ides Of March

AROUND THE RIM COUNTRY

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So March hasn't been a great month for you?

Don't feel bad because it hasn't been all that good a month for anybody.

A friend passed on a copy of the March 2004 issue of "Messages of the Stars," and in it was some startling news. Here's how Jane Elizabeth, professional psychic, medium, astrologer and author of this Valley newsletter put it:

"Oh boy! Saturn returns direct early this month, on the 7th to be exact. Saturn, no matter how you slice it, just isn't a fun piece to eat while in the moment."

So now, if you're astrology-literate, you know why you're having a crappy month. For those who are not astrology-literate, Elizabeth goes on to explain that "Saturn represents hard lessons," and that "each and every one of us who exist on this Earth plane" has to "once in a while go through the karmic lessons of Saturn."

Near as I can tell from Elizabeth's newsletter, and again I am using some of her own words to help me here, when Saturn returns direct "it comes down and takes those situations we have a ‘hard' time dealing with and intensifies (them)."

My first thought is to keep the doors locked, so that Saturn can't get in. But then I realize I am not thinking cosmically. Since we are everything and everything is us, Saturn can probably show up in the guise of your mother-in-law or, in the case of the Rim country, as a volunteer fire department or even your mayor.

Heavy stuff, indeed, and certainly worthy of a closer examination on a sign-by-sign basis. So here are the highlights of how each sign will be affected by this problem with Saturn and my advice for, as Elizabeth would put it, making your piece more fun to eat:

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) -- Most of you Sags, Elizabeth explains, will "want to get away from that old familial responsibility and run off and connect with that new energy of love ..." Sounds like a trip to Pete's Place is in order.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) -- Sometime this year a residential move will be made, maybe to a new state. I'm thinking Hawaii or, heck, why not the state of ecstasy.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) -- Your news is not good. "With Neptune moving through your first room of self, you will at times think you can fly," Elizabeth writes. Stay off of tall buildings.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 19) "Someone is angry with you and will tell you so," Elizabeth predicts. Get under the bed and stay there until April 1 -- which, coincidentally, is April Fool's Day.

ARIES (Mar. 20-Apr. 19) -- Talk about a piece that's not fun to eat, here's what Elizabeth has to say about your month: "Some old energy from the past suddenly returns. So many times, we think that just because the kitty is sleeping, it's harmless. Well, guess what Aries? That giant kitty awakens." Run Aries, run, or get yourself a big, bad, kitty-hating dog.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20) -- "Oh boy, the pressure is on for you to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God," Elizabeth writes. To which we can only advise that when she puts it that way, you darn well better do it.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) -- While finances may be a little tough, Elizabeth says you could make a good income during Saturn's transit. Problem is, it will involve hard work. My suggestion: whistle while you work.

CANCER (June 21-July 21) -- "At times you will feel like a basket case," Elizabeth writes. "Life will seem unbearable." Pull the covers over your head and stay in bed.

LEO (July 22-Aug 22) "Something someone told you a long time ago all of a sudden makes sense," Elizabeth writes. Here's hoping it doesn't have anything to do with clean underwear.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) "What goes around comes around" is Elizabeth's admonition to the sign of the virgin. To which we can only add, beware of revolving doors.

LIBRA (Sept. 22-Oct. 22) "Some of you will attract an old karmic-debted relationship that needs to be healed and/or repaired," writes Elizabeth. Do not answer the door. Karmic-debted relationships are the worst kind.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) "As the dragon's tail continues to sweep through your first room of self, your mood will continue to swing from one side of the pendulum to the other," Elizabeth writes. Grab the first thing that isn't moving and hold on for dear life.

In conclusion, all I can say is, "Oh boy! May the pieces you eat in April be more fun."

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