A Town By Any Other Name ...

AROUND THE RIM COUNTRY

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Remember the 1950s TV game show "Name That Tune"? It's time to bring that sleeping dog out of its kennel for an update called "Name That Town."

For those of you who haven't been paying attention, the communities of Star Valley and Diamond Point Shadows are trying to incorporate as the town of Diamond Star. They are doing this to get the town of Payson off their backs -- or at least out of their back yards.

The town has sanctioned a developer to suck water out of Star Valley and then run it down Highway 260 to the town's prize-winning water system. That will give the developer, G. Michael Horton, the water credits he needs to build three new developments in Payson.

The issue has caused quite a stir, with many Payson residents joining their brethren to the east in questioning the town's morality -- especially the folks who don't want to see one of Horton's new subdivisions going up next door to them.

Unfortunately, the brouhaha has caused people to lose sight of what's really important here -- that Diamond Star is a terrible name for the new town.

The Diamond Star Water Coalition, the nonprofit group working for incorporation, chose the name because the area in question is the very same as that serviced by the Diamond Star Fire Department. Now, Diamond Star is a fine name for a fire district, since fires are bright, but a town just doesn't need all that intensity.

The coalition says that Diamond Star is just a working title -- that residents will decide the final name down the road a piece.

We think that's leaving way too much to chance. In fact, we think it's time to step in and assist with the naming process.

And that's why it's time to play "Name That Town."

Here are some possibilities:

• Walkerville

Hey, if Payson can name itself after an Illinois senator who helped us get a post office, why can't the new town be named after Payson's water czar -- the man who started it all.

• Buzzburg

A hipper version of the above, because Diamond Star is a happening place -- as in Pete's Place.

• Horton Heights

Never mind.

• Star Point

Since Diamond Star is a combo of words in the two community's names, maybe there are some other combos that need to be considered, like ...

• Star Shadows

See above.

• Diamond Valley

Ditto.

• Ford Country

I used to live in a township in Michigan that changed its name when it incorporated from Nankin Township to Westland -- after a major shopping center within its boundaries. So why can't Diamond Star name itself after the major business within its confines?

• Fort Defiance

Because residents have been forced to circle the wagons against the slings and arrows of outrageous neighbors.

• Sourwater

An adaptation of the Sweetwater, Clearwater burgs, of which there are many in these United States.

• Nowater

See above.

• Outtawater

Ditto.

• Badwater

You get the idea.

• Little Water

After Little Rock, of course.

• Dry Creek

Somebody stop me.

• Twentynine Dead Trees

Doesn't exactly convey the same image as Twentynine Palms, but then Diamond Star is not exactly paradise these days.

• El Mirage

Too bad this one is already taken.

• Dehydrated

Maybe they should just come out and tell it like it is.

• Toolittletoolate

Like Chattanooga, this one just has a ring to it.

• Big Bluff

In memory of the statement made by Chris Benjamin of the coalition: "There's nothing we can go to the bargaining table with."

• Rappa Port

It's not a seaside community that's into rap music, but a tribute to Bill Rappaport, coalition president. At least those who go down with the ship won't drown.

• Unfilladelphia

It makes a kind of crazy sense, especially when you're beginning to hallucinate from lack of water.

• Caved-in Creek

Which just naturally suggests ...

• Sinkhole City

If the town sucks enough water out of Star Valley, the place could turn into one big sinkhole. At least that would put the patrons of Pete's Place right where their Baptist neighbors want them -- in hell. Ooops, that puts the Baptists there, too.

• Waterlooless

Napoleon met his and now it looks like the Diamond Star folks are coming up against their very own.

• Nope Creek

Needs no explanation.

• Snookered

We may not know how Snook, Utah got its name, but there's little doubt what it means to get snookered.

• Brownsville

Why oh why are all the good names taken?

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