- Your Payson Town Council recently did a good deed by helping the Payson Humane Society get the land it needs for a new shelter. But back when that same body was debating a tougher barking dog ordinance, some of its members professed themselves dog lovers even though their credentials were, shall we say, a tad suspect. We're willing to give them the benefit of the doubt however, and suggest they all be given honorary memberships in PUDD -- Politicians Undyingly Devoted to Dogs.
- Speaking of the Payson Humane Society, somebody recently complained about an antiques dealer being allowed to skim all the good stuff at their yard sale before the doors were opened to us truly. Turned out it didn't happen, but here in the Land of Many Yard Sales we think a watchdog agency ought to be created to keep an eye out for this sort of thing. Inspired by the humane society, we could call it RABYS -- Rimaroos Against Bogus Yard Sales.
- The roundabout at The Home Depot has raised the Rim country's collective hackles. We don't like the idea and dadgum it we're not above telling everybody who will listen. I say we form a society of roundabout haters called RATS -- Roundabouts are Truly Stupid
- Your community college has finally bitten the dust, done in by three morons from Globe (sounds like the basis for a remake of The Three Stooges to me). While this development is certainly a blow for higher education, we must make the most of it. One way is to build on our great legacy of acronyms. Therefore, I suggest we change the acronym for Eastern Arizona College from EAC to SU -- for Screw Us.
- The residents of Payson are becoming increasingly known for their water conservation, with the daily consumption dropping to just 86 gallons per person per day over the past year. That's a great accomplishment, but I believe we can do even better. If you agree, you'll want to join SOWS -- the Society of Water Savers.
- Some people fear bears. Some people are afraid of Bob Ashford and company, those scary dudes from Globe who derailed our college. Me? I'm afraid of the giant potholes in this town. You could drop into one of those suckers and never be seen again. That's why me and my kind attend a special support group called APHIDS -- the Association for PotHole Intimidated Drivers.
- And finally, here in the Land of Many Convenience Stores, we have found it necessary to create an organization designed specifically to keep them all in business called the BBB -- Beer-Bellied Bubbas.