We probably would have natural self-esteem except that it has been rigorously trained out of us by trainers (parents,teachers,friends) who do not have self-esteem. This is because our Western model is concerned with power and control and achievement and we have been excellent students for all the concepts of "Weak Ego."
We have learned to worry about what others think about us and we try to please the people we want to influence. We have learned that we, ourselves, are not important or as deserving as the people around us.
Also, we have been taught that if we love others unselfishly, we will know automatically what they need and that loving means taking care of their needs. They, supposedly, will be doing the same so that our needs will also be met by those who love us. We have been taught something that simply does not work.
Furthermore, we are not even given the choice of whether we want to learn self-esteem versus the model referred to above. At a very early age, we are taught that loving ourselves is selfish and will lead to being conceited and narcissist and that no one will want to be around us.
The belief that man is not good enough and needs to be controlled to be socialized seems to lead to the fear of allowing individuals to love themselves and to trust that they will be good when left to their own devices. This Western model, by training us in the Weak Ego, is a persuasive one in that it seems to offer a manner of being able to control the feelings and behaviors of others by taking care of them and loving them more than we love ourselves. This is just not the case.
If we cannot choose not to love ourselves, how then can we believe that we are capable of being loved? If all our love and esteem is focused on others, how can we feel whole and complete and loved within ourselves?
And, if we feel bad about ourselves, how can we be the best we can be? No one can be at their optimum when they feel bad. Finally, if we are following the model and loving others more than we love ourselves and yet we are not getting back from them what we are giving, how can we not feel cheated and resentful?
When we expect others to love us and take care of our needs, we are placing a burden upon then that they cannot fulfill. No one else is going to know exactly what we need at the very moment that we need it. No one else is ever going to be able to love us exactly as we want to be loved. No one is going to do for us what we can and need to do for ourselves.