We All Grieve Differently



In response to the letter from Tom Anderson regarding the roadside memorials along Highway 87:

I am truly saddened to learn that you lost your grandchild, and my heart goes out to you and to her parents, for I know what you and they feel, every minute of every day. I am also saddened to read that you "must relive the pain and grief brought on by the sight of the roadside memorials" however, I must ask you, do you also "relive the pain" when you read about the death of a child in the newspaper, or see a report on the nightly news? If so, do you feel that the editor of this newspaper should not print those stories or the newscaster not make his report so you will not feel the grief once again?

Probably not, but you do seem to focus on the roadside memorials and you state that you "do not wish to see those memorials" and that those of us who appreciate them are somehow "not considerate of your grief" by placing them in what we feel is the most appropriate place, and that is the place where our loved one died.

Well, sir, I am being considerate of your grief, by allowing you to grieve in your own way and hopefully find closure, if not also a true peace with yourself.

I do ask that you accept that a memorial is part of my grieving process.

If I had my way, there would never be such a need. Sadly, there will be more memorials, which means that more people will die on our highways. And that is what you should complain about.

If ever there is a serious movement to tear these memorials down or limit their construction, I will be among the folks who storm ADOT offices in protest, and also rest assured that I will personally reconstruct each and every one of them, regardless of the consequences -- that is how strongly I feel about the need for them.

There are five steps to the grieving process, but NONE of them are labeled as "healed." You do not "heal" when you lose a child, no matter the reason, you only get numb, and you move on.

One last comment. You made the statement that you are "terribly offended by the thinly veiled anti-Semitic and personal attacks toward Mrs. Cohen." I sincerely hope you were not referring to my comments, because, the mother of my son, Jarrett, whom I lost in an accident 12 years ago, is of Jewish decent, and I do not make anti-Semitic comments.

Jim Estess, Pine

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