Bonkers For Bluetooth

CAROLING

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Just one Bluetooth.

Madonna has a gold one. I don't need one that expensive. Plus, I plan to wear mine on my ear.

And it might not be blue.

I can decorate my Bluetooth with Swarovski crystals, so then my Bluetooth can be considered jewelry with a purpose.

A "Bluetooth," for the technologically impaired, is a personal wireless device for the transmission of digital and voice data.

Decorating my ear with such a device means both my hands would be on the steering wheel of my vehicle.

I was gratified to learn that the Department of Motor Vehicles still had paper manuals available, right inside the entrance, on a kiosk on the wall.

The "Arizona Driver License Manual and Customer Service Guide" states, on page 23, under the "cell phones" heading: "... While operating a motor vehicle both hands should be on the steering wheel. This allows the driver full control of the vehicle."

The publication also recommends pulling off the road to talk.

When cell phones fist became popular, although they weighed several pounds at least they were big enough to hold between one's ear and shoulder.

A common sight driving into any big city (my experience was in Los Angeles) parking garage was an attorney, stockbroker or deal-maker, talking with their head cocked to one side and maneuvering around the tight parking structure turns in a cock-eyed manner.

So, thank goodness for blue teeth.

By 2031, I figure nanotechnology will have gone so far that medical science will be able to imbed even smaller cell phones permanently in the human ear ... right next to the GPS device that will tell me that turning on South Ponderosa is the appropriate way to get to the east end of Phoenix Street from the Safeway parking lot.

I prefer the relative courtesy of an actual human being telling me where to go.

It is one of the nice bonuses of life in a small town -- if I do not know what I am doing, someone else surely thinks they do.

In my truck, the appointed navigator in the passenger seat (I have no back seat drivers) gets to tell me where I am going, for besides the fact that map reading while driving makes me turn a sickly green color, I bet somewhere in the motor vehicle division manual it mentions that reading more than street signs while driving is not safe.

In fact, reading a roadmap is listed as a distraction.

But what amazes me, is that I will be 25 years older than I am right now before I have to peruse the manual in anticipation of taking my driver's test.

And what pedagogue in an ivory tower wrote, "It is against the law to drive over ... any part of a gore area."

To quote Homer (Simpson), "Doh."

The gore I saw on the roadway this morning was once a squirrel.

My word lexicon is apparently woefully incomplete. Before skimming the MVD manual I never would have known that a gore is the space between a through roadway and an entrance or exit ramp.

When I get my Bluetooth device, I can use it to bluejack total strangers, "U have crossed the gore. 3 points will b assessed against your driving record."

Bluetooth

Bluetooth was named for the King Harald Blatan, a monarch of Denmark in the 10th century. Bluetooth was created in 1998 by the Bluetooth Special Interest Group comprised of Ericsson, IBM, Intel, Nokia and Toshiba. Ericsson is a Scandinavian company.

Bluejacking

A Bluetooth device provides data transfer within a range of 10 meters. It is possible to send messages from a Bluetooth phone or PDA to a nearby stranger who also has a Bluetooth device. So, bluejacking, according to PC Magazine, is used to flirt with someone ("I like the way you look") or play a practical joke ("somebody just ran away with your package").

Bluesnarfing

Object exchange protocol is inherent in blueteeth. This protocol lets users send each other business card data without authentication. A bluesnarfer is someone who exploits this vulnerability.

Bluespamming

Sending spam to Bluetooth-enabled devices. (Editor's note: This rotten thing to do is much worse than handing a real can of Spam out with your physical business card.)

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