Payson Roundup

Doomsday ‘profiteering’

Editor:

Hollywood producers have capitalized on so-called prophecies given by well known seers of the past, “whole cultures” and devoted followers of various religions. Some people showed their devotion by offering their relatives to the “gods” of nature. I wonder how many have sacrificed the future of their own children to “appease” the anger of these “Hot Under The Collar” unknown gods?

Ignorance has probably contributed to the demise of many a people in the past and possibly the present. Now we have a new religion espoused by those who worship no particular god but have many leaders who promise to lead us to safety, if we comply with the “new rules.”

Here is a list of some new rules that we can expect, if we decide to follow these “concerned” leaders to our new “Utopia.”

1. Limit your carbon dioxide emissions: Can you imagine the repercussions of violating this law? This gives a new perspective to the idea of the steering wheel breathalizer. Eating beans may land you in jail, you may have a very uncomfortable time complying with this law. If you or someone you know has been affected, call 1-800-beanojustice. You may be “entitled” to compensation.

2. Barbecues: If you consume farm animals, you will have to limit your consumption based on how much hay they needed to reach your back yard. “Egg plant parmesan is an excellent vegetable dish to substitute for your Angus and cheese.”

3. Solar Panels: Pray to your god that you don’t have to comply with any new requirements in this field, especially if you live in a dusty environment, one that has birds who are not subject to the carbon laws and trees that have no obligation to distribute their leaves away from your panels. You may want to practice climbing up and down from your roof top to maximize on this option.

4. Windmills: This may very well be the answer we’ve all been waiting for, if only we could install one of these puppies directly in front of Al’s podium.

5. Natural Gas: Call the White House and suggest that our new czars and progressive thinkers hook up to this concept. I’m sure that with this unlimited resource we could attain independence from foreign oil. Eureka!

6. Hybrid Cars: If someone could invent one that runs on B.S. we could all go back to eating steaks without upsetting the delicate temperament of our “earth gods.” Hey Al, would you like some fries with that?

7. Cap And Trade: If we succeed at limiting carbon dioxide by 100 percent, there won’t be any trees to hug, horses to ride, politicians to blame, or businesses to tax. Utopia will have finally been achieved.

The only ones who will be “profiting” from these new rules will be “eerily similar” to these great “thinkers” who brought us to this “new age of human evolution,” ... “vermin.”

Jim French