Fortune Cookie Fiasco



You finish your last bite of Kung Pao Chicken, crack open your fortune cookie hoping that yours will say the words that you want to hear. The conversation turns from fortune cookies to spending fortunes.

Remember the old bumper sticker, “I’m spending my children’s inheritance”? Imagine if your fortune cookie cost you and your descendants a king’s ransom.

Is this some kind of a political joke being played on the citizens of America? The “government” has allocated $350 million of taxpayer money to advertise for the 2010 census in, you guessed it, “fortune cookies.”

If you happen to own a fortune cookie manufacturing plant, crank up the printing presses, here are some clever phrases to remind the rest of us dummy dumb dumbs about the 2010 census:

The census works for all of us, and now so do you.

This fortune cookie saved or created 2,379 jobs.

Take names and numbers, you could go far.

Cookie cutter in chief, is counting on you to count taxpayers.

No experience, no problem, come to your census.

Assets and liabilities, come out, come out wherever you are.

Got a fortune? Let us help you manage it.

If your cookie crumbles, my cookie crumbles. We are all in this together.

Chinese proverb: “You pay now, or you go now.”

Cookie monsters need love too, one taxpayer, two taxpayers.

Remember, census workers are people too, be nice.

This fortune cookie has 0 grams trans fat, but may be a choke hazard.

Caution: please remove fortune before consuming product.

No it’s not Avon calling, it’s Acorn calling, and you are?

Changes in your personal life will start in 2010, keep smiling.

Bright lights are in your future, I will ask you one more time.

Your grandchildren’s “inheritance,” will be used wisely.

Thank you for your cooperation and your fortune.

Invest in canned goods, gold is hard to digest.

Uncle Sam wants you, well 40 percent of you for now. Have a great day!

Your greatest treasure is in your heart and can never be taken away.

Jim French


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