From Coach’S Corny Joke Collection

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Having been a classroom teacher for 37 years, a coach, Scoutmaster, father of four and grandfather to seven, I’ve heard my share of Christmas jokes from the younger set. Some were corny, some funny and others downright dreadful.

But, Christmas is just two days away and this might be a golden opportunity to share my recollections with readers.

So, here goes:

From a donkey

What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

Hi

What did one angel say to the other?

Halo there.

Holiday song

What do lions sing at Christmas?

Jungle bells!

On my!

What does Santa call reindeer that don’t work?

Dinner.

Did you know?

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Know the alphabet?

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No L. (Get it? Noel)

On fire

What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is ablaze?

Krisp Kringle.

A werewolf?

How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?

He has Santa claws

Christmas meal

We had grandma for Christmas dinner.

Really, we had turkey.

Christmas kiss?

What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?

An anesthetic.

Reindeer stand up

What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?

This will sleigh you.

Christmas cop

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues.

Adam asks

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve.

Working in the garden

Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?

Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

She’s mad

What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?

She gave him the cold shoulder.

A history lesson

There was once a great Czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red.

He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, “Look my dear, it has begun to rain!”

Without looking up from her knitting she replied, “It’s too cold to rain. It must be sleeting.”

The Czar shook his head and replied, “I am the Czar of all Russia, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!”

More Rudolph

Did you know that according to the song, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa has 12 reindeer?

It’s true, in the introduction it goes, “There’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen ...” That makes eight reindeer. Then there’s Rudolph, of course, so that makes nine.

Then there’s Olive. You know, “Olive the other reindeer used to laugh ...” That makes 10. The 11th is Howe. You know, “Then Howe the reindeer loved him ...” Eleven reindeer.

Oh, and number 12? That’s Andy! “Andy shouted out with glee.”

The proof is in the song.

Merry Christmas!

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